My Recovery, Relapses, and Recovery (Two Time Loser)
By the time I was sixteen or seventeen, I knew I had serious problem. I had been using for 3 or 4 years and by the time I entered 11th grade my drinking, and using various drugs had become out of control. During my senior year I abstained to some degree and barely graduated.
I worked various jobs, mostly in restaurants, but finally desperation led me to crime. In a feeble attempt at commit a robbery I was arrested and spent 5 years in prison. The time in prison gave me a break of sorts. There were drugs but not as readily available. I excelled academically in prison and had big plans to continue my education upon release.
Upon my release I immediately began to use again and was soon in desperate straits again. I sought a geographical cure in a rural setting. I found my drugs of choice and myself in the boondocks as well. I felt I could not escape my fate. I was going to be homeless and die from my affliction. I’d been working at a resort where all my room and board was free, but after a couple years in this advantageous situation I was still penniless.
I confessed to my manager that I was suicidal and had a problem. He said he had a sister with a like problem and recommended I try NA. My first meeting was like going home. I identified with everything. It all made sense and I finally understood my affliction. I had a disease, and I could arrest it and reclaim my life.
I got seven years and eight months years before I relapsed. I quickly gained success during my first time around. I graduated Summa Cum Laude with a BS in education and ran a small café for a while prior to completing my undergraduate degree. I became to busy for meetings and sponsors who hadn’t made the academic, social, and financial, gains I had. Needless to say I relapsed and I repeated the same process five years later.
I now have eleven plus years, and a respectable career. The difference this time is I don’t’ get to busy for meetings. I make meetings regularly no matter what. I keep a commitment, no matter what. I keep a home group no matter what. I struggle with sponsorship. I know that the therapeutic value of one addict helping another is most manifest in sponsorship. I am an atheist; my political views are liberal, and progressive. I am egotistical and a little too smart for my on good so I’ve been told. It is hard for me to trust someone with everything if I feel they are bound by religious beliefs.
I am better today than I’ve ever been in my life, and I have a sponsor today. We don’t see eye to eye on every thing, but he has more than twice the clean time I have. I need the insights and perspectives of other addicts. I try to be open and honest with my sponsor so I don’t become a three-time loser .
van