I WAS IN DENIAL FOR A LONG TIME
Hi, my name is Mark and I am an addict. I used and sold drugs for 22 years. I was basically a “follower”. I wanted to be liked and accepted. I didn’t know how to say no to people consequently I was a people pleaser. School didn’t last long, I dropped out in the ninth grade. I went to Job Corps but that didn’t last either. So I continued to do what I did best, which was to use and sell drugs. I went to jail several times only to come home and do the same thing. I was a slow learner. But I always managed to keep a job though it had no benefits or future but at least I was employed. I was in denial for a long time because I didn’t look like a derelict nor was I on the corner bumming change. I wasn’t shooting drugs, so being an addict didn’t apply to me. But boy was I wrong. My life was going nowhere fast.
In 1995, I got mail from Freehold. I opened it and it said I had a date to go to Court about 3 charges alleging that I sold drugs to an Undercover Officer. I didn’t believe it was me. I thought that they had the wrong guy. But later, it was revealed that it was me. They wanted me to serve 5 years. So I started seeking some help as far as what should I do. I got a lawyer and I started to call rehabs. I finally found one that said that they will take me. I went to one of those rehab houses in New Brunswick. And that was the start of my new life in Narcotics Anonymous.
I stayed at that house 2 years and some change. It was the first time that I ever finished anything, but I graduated that program. The program was very beneficial to me. I got my first apartment after moving out. For the first time in my life, I did what the program suggested. I went to meetings and got a sponsor. I work and live the steps to the best of my ability. I have a home group, I have a commitment, and I don’t hang out in the streets or bars. And most important, I don’t use and go to meetings. Life is good today. I’m still doing the same things I was doing when I first got clean. I try to stay vigilant in my recovery.
I had my first child through this God given process. Today, I have a wife, two kids, and a house. We recently sold the house but I have a life and a future today. I graduated from a Technical Institute, for Drug and Alcohol Counseling. So the NA process and God has been good to me and my family. I love God, I love the NA fellowship, and most of all I love me today. Thank you for listening, I’m Mark and I’m an addict.