THIS MONTH'S GUEST SPEAKER: "Thomasin D. - Toni"
Originally posted in Apr. 2006(The author retains all rights to this material)
GOD HAS A PLAN FOR EVERYONE
I came from Newark, N.J. to Monmouth County by being incarcerated. I was raised by the street life with drug and alcohol abuse since the age of 8. I don’t know how I made it to the 12th grade. By then my disease of addiction was in full effect and had full control of my mind, body, and soul.
By the age of 25, I had my first son who was born addicted to Heroin. I managed to keep this baby, up until he was 4 years old. He was living in the streets with me in my addiction. He was taken from me by DYFES at the preschool he was attending at that time. I realize now, that was the best thing that could have ever happened to him. For me I was lost, hopeless, and my self-esteem was gone. I let the drugs have full control of me. At that point I had given up.
I told myself I would go to another part of Newark to start over. I was tired of lying and fantasizing about where my son was, so I went to a place where nobody knew me. I met another man and started to believe in whatever he told me, as long as he took care of my drug habit. I had three more children by this man during my addiction. The last child really made me hit bottom, because I was getting released from Monmouth Count jail the night I went into labor. I was taken to the hospital and I started praying for my life. I begged and pleaded with the medical staff for help. I was told that there is no way they could help, but to talk with the doctor. When the doctor came in, I knew I had to convince him to help me. I told him the truth. With my hands placed together in praying position I said, “Please help me, if I leave here I don’t know how I’m going to survive. I have nowhere to go and I know I’m going to die out there. Please help me! I will never get to see this baby again if I leave here, please help me! I am willing to do anything.”
It was at that point of surrender that miracles started to happen. Monmouth Medical helped me into detox and from there to a program for nine months. The house I went to was in Asbury Park and through God’s grace and mercy I stayed there. I was taken NA meetings and learned about recovery. I was taught structure, parenting skills, and how to be responsible for my actions. But most importantly, how to love myself today and who I am. Today, I am somebody, I am grateful and I am clean.
I would like to share some of my miracles with you that I have graduated from that house in August of 2003. I was granted my last baby boy back in my life in July of 2004. I’ve been working for 1½ years now. And I am about to take my first vacation ever. I have never had a vacation before in my life. I would like to say to those out there that have lost hope and faith for the future, please don’t ever give up. “God has a plan for everyone.” I’m a grateful recovering addict, thanks for listening.