THIS MONTH'S GUEST SPEAKER: "Steve P."
Originally posted in Nov. 2011(The author retains all rights to this material)
I'm Steve and I'm an addict.
I used substances in various forms for many years and some of my experiences were pleasurable then the euphoria wore off and I started to see the uglier side of addiction. In the end, I was using different drugs and combinations of drugs. In an effort to feel good and just ended up feeling worse. I tried medicine, religion and psychiatry in an effort to gain some relief. I did all this knowing that it was the drugs. I was not willing to address my using and I was in denial. I was terrified to face the pain of withdrawing from drugs. This went on for almost 3 decades for me. There were geographical changes, there were lovers, job changes, and even attempts at recovery. I refused to accept the 1st Step and continued to suffer until I reached the End Of The Road. For me, that end came in the form of an arrest for drugs. I had felt bad for so long that when the arrest finally came, I was willing to take a suggestion and get to a meeting. My first meeting in N.A. was the Welcome Home Group on Monday night in Long Branch.
Now, I was in pretty rough shape all around when I washed up in N.A...My physical condition was poor and I was weakened and underweight and I was having a hard time focusing and I was totally self absorbed and generally clueless about how I should proceed and I was blessed when my Higher Power put people in my life to guide me in the direction I needed to go. Being that I was willing, I was given the coffee maker commitment. These guys told me that I never had to use again, Just For Today...they also told me that "Any addict can stop using drugs, lose the desire to use and find a new way to live".....that included me.
So that was the start and as time passed with the guidance of an N.A. sponsor in working The 12 Steps, consistent meeting attendance, willingness to participate in Service Work and my interaction with so many wonderful people from all walks of life, I have been able to put together some quality recovery and I'm enjoying my life without the use of drugs. I continue to live in the recovery process and I have the added benefit of sponsoring a few good men. Sponsorship is a two way street and it is the heartbeat of the N.A. program. I never would have believed that things would turn out as well as they have 7 plus years after coming in. I would have to say I am at this point, the happiest and most content I can ever remember being. Don’t get me wrong, this isn't easy this recovery thing...I have to stay on point and always be aware of where my feet and head are at and that they're in the same place. All I know is, I don't want to use today and that I am very grateful for that. I can't really write too much more. If you are reading this and you're on the fence about making the first steps in your own recovery and if you feel sad and alone and hopeless, if you feel you can't do it and that it's useless to even try because you think you made such a mess of your life and burned all your bridges and you'll never be able to salvage your life and you want to die....I'll tell you, whether you know it or not, in the center of most N.A. meetings there sits an empty chair. It’s symbolic that there is always room in our meetings for one more addict seeking recovery...
I wish you all Light, Love and Happiness!