THIS MONTH'S GUEST SPEAKER: "Lisa A."
Originally posted in Oct. 2014(The author retains all rights to this material)
My bottom was March 24, 2013. I no longer could go on using against my will. I put drugs ahead of my family, job and self. I lost my short term memory and facial recognition. I just wanted to not wake up and when I woke up much to my dismay, I was hopeless. When the bottom fell out and my job knew I was using I had a choice to either go to a hotel and take that last run to the sky or come clean to my husband and face the consequences of my actions. I wanted to run but the thought of my daughter growing up without a mother and her fate made me take the long walk upstairs and stand dope sick in the sunlight. He saw me it seems like for the first time in a long time. He knew what I had become and things I was doing now made sense to him.
I went to rehab for twenty-eight days and it was hard. It felt like the termites ate at my bones, I tried to follow and do what I was told but kept thinking I could do it my way. One day I got the gift of surrender and stopped fighting myself and everyone that was trying to help me. By being open and willing I got a taste of what recovery could be like and I hungered for it.
Once out of rehab my life changed and I took commitments, did IOP, therapy, step work and whatever I was told to do. Eventually I shed the cloak of shame and remorse and moved on to self-acceptance and self-love. It was not easy and I have faced many challenges but I do a trust-fall to God everyday and believe I am here for a reason. My purpose is to be the right set of tools at the right place and time sent by God, my light shines from within and I do not need the spotlight anymore. Recovery has given me inner-peace and living just for today has given me a freedom I have never known. The constant projection of the future and mind games I played with myself are gone. I am grateful for the last year and a half and am amazed at the tools and gifts I have gotten and now look forward to the future with wonder.