THIS MONTH'S GUEST SPEAKER: "Bruce"
Originally posted on Aug. 2000(The author retains all rights to this material)
I’m Bruce and I am an addict. First I’d like to thank my Higher Power for another day, for getting me to this point in my recovery, and for allowing me to have these incredible experiences.
As I open my eyes this morning I don’t realize where I am, I lift my head up and I look around the room. I feel a subtle rocking sensation, It was then when I realized where I was. It’s the fourth of July weekend and I’m on my brother-in-law's boat somewhere off the Long Island Sound. I get up, I fix myself a cup of coffee, grab my just for today and head out onto the deck. The sun is just coming up and I’m just overwhelmed with joy and gratitude. I realize as I do almost everyday that I almost missed out on all this.
I start to reflect back to my first few days in detox, when I would wake up I didn’t realize where I was then either but when I did I wasn’t full of joy and gratitude. I would slowly place my hands to my head in shame and start to cry. How did I get here again? Where did I go wrong?
I’ve come along way since then, in a short time. I remember walking around in early recovery wishing I was anybody but myself. Not today. Today I love being me. What a gift , recovery.
There has been so many meaningful experiences that have happened to me in recovery. When I first got clean my in-laws wanted my wife to divorce me. They couldn’t even look me in the eyes. For them being around me was nothing but pain. About a year ago, they were taking me out to dinner to celebrate my clean time anniversary. We were running late for our dinner reservations and I was trying to get my literature ready for H&I the following day. My mother in-law came in and asked if she could help and before long the entire family was folding meeting lists and making lit packs, a miracle.
The most incredible experience I had in recovery was about nine months ago. I had this job related decision to make. I was really caught up in trying to make the right choice so I was asking several people their opinions. I asked my dad what he would do if he were in my position. First off I need to point out that not that long ago my father couldn’t look at me without getting tears in his eyes. He looked at me, put his arms around me and said he didn’t know what I should do but one thing he did know was whatever choice I made he knew it would be the right one.
Life today is like nothing I ever could have imagined