The author retains the rights to this material

I thought I was having a bad day - Gloria R’s story.

I’m a Recovering Addict, and my name is Gloria.  When I arrived to Narcotics Anonymous in 1992, I wasn’t an addict.  I got arrested after copping crack, and I thought I was just having a bad day.  I had been copping and going home to use, so I wasn’t like you.  I went to work – sometimes.  When I got to work, I couldn’t stay at work; I had to leave to use.  But I wasn’t an addict.  I had a car; I wasn’t walking the streets like those people I copped from.  I didn’t use in the neighborhood, outdoors, behind buildings, cars, or trees.  I went home and used, so I wasn’t like you.  I hadn’t gone to any store with plans to steal for money, or stood on the corner with hopes of selling my body for a fix, and I hadn’t pawned my TV for cash for the next hit.  I wasn’t like you, but I truly was misinformed about who an addict could be, and how an addict should behave.

After I had been arrested and released, I continued to believe that I wasn’t addict, and that I had just had a bad day.  A long-time coworker asked me to have a cup of coffee with him.  We (more like “he”) sat down to talk.  He asked me if I wanted help.  Why would I want help?  I explained that life was against me and that I had had a bad day.  He took my hand in both of his hands and said, “You really don’t like yourself, do you?”  I started to cry.  What was he talking about?  Of course I liked myself!  He replied, “If you really liked yourself, then you wouldn’t be doing the things you’re doing to yourself, like using drugs.”  I couldn’t stop crying.  As matter of fact, I’m crying now.  I thank the God of my understanding for sending this addict into my life.  The next thing I thought he said was: “Do you want to save your job so you can continue using?” (This disease is all that!).  And I said, “Yes.”  He suggested two things: 1) Go to the Employee Assistance Program for counseling, and 2) Go to meetings.  I did both.

In the beginning, I went to the mother/father fellowship (AA).  I went to meetings high, and I didn’t understand what they were talking about.  They weren’t the same color as I was.  Nothing they talked about related to me.  I couldn’t identify.  My counselor suggested I go to NA meetings, so I did. I went to my very first NA meeting high.  I had drugs and paraphernalia in my pocketbook at the meeting because I never went anywhere without my stuff.  My plan was to arrive late, but when I got there, the meeting had just begun. In the meeting they asked if there were any “Newcomers”.  I didn’t want to raise my hand, but I did.  Someone across the room introduced themselves as an addict.  I thought, “Oh! I’m not one of them!”  Then it was my turn.  I was scared, and I didn’t know what the truth was, but I introduced myself as “Gloria, addict.”

I continued to use. I couldn’t stop.  I didn’t know how.  Two days later, at my second NA meeting, I met someone who was just like me!  She worked where I worked, she made the same kind of money that I made; she was the same color as me, she had a car, and she didn’t look like an addict.  Her first remark to me was, “I was wondering when you were going to get here.”  I asked that woman to be my sponsor.  She was the first person I could get honest with.  I told her that I was still using, and that I couldn’t stop.  She told me how she got clean (rehab), so I took her suggestion and began the recovery process.  Unfortunately, or fortunately, after 30+ days after rehab, I relapsed.  I didn’t tell anybody for a whole year, but I kept coming back and I haven’t picked up again.

I place my recovery before anything and everything.  My life is good.  After 11 years clean, I still make meetings regularly.  I identify, not compare, with those who share in meetings.  I have a sponsor and I sponsor women.  I have a home group where I am the treasurer.  I answer phone calls from the NA help-line.  I participate in my recovery, and I don’t use one day at a time.  I haven’t had one bad day since I arrived at NA.  I’ve had disappointments, setbacks, tribulations, and opportunities to grow spiritually, but no more bad days.  NA has and is saving my life and I am forever grateful to the program and to the fellowship. 

Thanks for letting me share.